Friends? Never had any. Comrades? Nope. If I asked myself honestly if I had friends, I’d have to say no. Hell, my parents always ask me and I like making up an answer or lying. Never have, and maybe I never will.
What I do consider myself to have are people I trust. People I care about. I don’t give a damn if I’m hated, not cared about, and left out. I’ve grown to get used to it, because in the long run, what does it matter?
I have always had an obligation to carry myself on my own path. To lead my own way. It’s not like I have anyone to follow. Sometimes people follow me, and I guess that’s cool. But comrades? Nah.
These are my honest thoughts. I am slightly ashamed to say that I act with a facade at times because I just want to synchronize with people. I just like understanding people.
I am alive for a reason. So, to me, I don’t live for myself. I gave up living for personal happiness and the like long ago. If they come along the way, fine. But I’m not going to make an effort for it. All I have is an obligation. An obligation to be the best version of myself.
I am not me for myself. I could care less whether I’m happy or sad, hungry or full, with someone by my side or all alone. I am me for others. I am me because the world needs me. Call it stupidity, call it pointless, and call it weird. But it’s not like it matters.
After all, society needs its scapegoats. I gave up on wanting things to go my way. I gave up on personal dreams and emotions. All that’s left is this to-do list. And I promised to do them.
People like me… people who work alone, don’t care about themselves… we’re reckless, dumb, and cowardly. We’re trash. And I know this.
But someone who doesn’t care for those he cares about… someone who would take people down with their failures… someone who doesn’t rise to the occasion to inspire others… is lower than trash. Besides, I promised. I made a promise long ago to fight to protect. Shields and scapegoats were made to be discarded.
